“To feel too much is a disease, a real, full, blown disease.”, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from the Underground
“It is not by crushing one’s passions that one is free, but by mastering them.”, Fyodor Dostoevsky
"The depth of our feelings measures the height of our soul.", Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
“Imagine the amazing good fortune of the generation that gets to see the end of the world. This is as marvelous as being there in the beginning. How could one not wish for that with all one’s heart? How could one not lend one’s feeble resources to bringing it about?” ― Jean Baudrillard, Fragments
Nothing is as exhausting as the eternal lingering of an unfinished task. William James
“The violence of positivity does not deprive, it saturates; it does not exclude, it exhausts.” ― Byung, Chul Han, The Burnout Society
“Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that reality.” ― William James
“There is a vast difference between positive thinking and existential courage.” ― Barbara Ehrenreich
“When we are tired, we are assailed by ideas we conquered long ago.” Nietzsche
“A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live.” Lao Tzu
“Eminent thinkers are energy stars.”, Randall Collins
“To be bored simply means to be disconnected from the communicative network of sensations and stimuli consisting of text messages, YouTube, and fast food; to be denied, for a moment, the constant flow of sugary gratification.” Mark Fisher, 2008, 45.
The problem for us is not whether our desires are satisfied or not. The problem is how do we know what we desire. Slavoj Žižek
What emotions would we experience if we weren’t working ourselves to death? What wishes drive us? What fantasies latch onto our constant busyness? Only when we step away from our frenzy can we know. - Arlie Russell Hochschild
“In other words, it requires deliberate self, deception, including a constant effort to repress or block out unpleasant possibilities and ‘negative’ thoughts. The truly self, confident, or those who have in some way made their peace with the world and their destiny within it, do not need to expend effort censoring or otherwise controlling their thoughts.”, Barbara Ehrenreich
Emotions: Reflexive Emotionality: Emotions and reflexivity support one another in the pursuit of a good life.
Emotional Regimes and Rules
Highlight different emotional regimes and emotional rules. By identifying them, they become easier to relate to. This is linked to a deeper understanding of emotional rules, emotional ideologies, and emotional regimes (Hochschild, 2003; Wettergren, 2013), a curiosity about how one should use emotions. For example, Nietzsche argues that we should use all emotions rather than suppress them, our entire “emotional economy.” Nietzsche writes about pain and pleasure, noting that pain can give meaning to a good life in which we have lived as artists of life. To make emotional rules visible, one must examine what the norms are regarding how one should feel and express emotions. Do these emotional rules support the good life that I seek?
Take part in negotiating emotional regimes and rules. You are not a slave to these emotional regimes and rules, there is room for negotiation. If you find yourself in microsocial interactions where these regimes are highly institutionalized, try to change them if possible. This is easier with a partner or group of friends, but also at work. It’s harder with an entire society, but here micro, and meso, levels have an influence, so you can seek out different meso, and micro, communities that have better emotional regimes and rules than those at the macro level. Macro, level regimes will trickle down, but not as strongly.
Identify emotional dissonance. Why does it arise? Is there too great a difference between the emotional regime you need to navigate and the one you want to be in? Is it primarily linked to what happens at work? Is it possible to change jobs? If not, how can your free time be improved and used so that you feel you can handle your job better? Then the genuine “pretending” that’s already taking place may become easier to manage. Emotional dissonance can also be a form of authenticity crisis here (Moellher & D’Ambrioso, 2021), stemming from a desire and belief that one must be authentic in how one acts toward others. Practicing genuine “pretending” becomes a way to manage this. Resist the emotional regime, visibly or invisibly, drawing inspiration from the flight attendants who deliberately spilled drinks on annoying passengers (Hochschild, 2003).
Transform feelings of oppression. Feelings of oppression can arise when engaging in class, based social maneuvering and seeking respectability from others (Skeggs, 1997; Friedman, 2016). Sociologize shame and resentment, and even depression if the shame has persisted for a long time (Collins, 2004; Scheff, 1999). What interactions do you have on a daily basis? What feelings do these interactions evoke? Do you live in a habitus of humiliation (Smith, 2001)? For example, a central aspect of oppression is creating a sense of shame, and the internalization of the belief that one is the problem creates an inward focus (Scheff, 1999).
Sociodynamic exercises.Identify various defense mechanisms in yourself and others (Turner, 2006). How is this present in the social environment around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels? When do you use these defense mechanisms? When do they most often arise?
Denial. What do you deny in your life? How does this manifest in the social environment around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Projection, what do you project onto others that is also a problem within yourself? How does this manifest in the social environment around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Internalized blame, what do you blame yourself for that is actually largely a societal issue? How does this manifest in the social context around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Identify the reality principle, the pleasure principle, and the performativity principle (Marcuse, 2002) in your life.
How do you purify your identity so that you avoid having to perform actions (Reisman, 1950)? How does this manifest in the social context around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Do you focus on “having” rather than “being” (Fromm, 1991)? Do you see love as something you have or something you do? How is this reflected in the social context around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
How does the culture industry/consciousness industry influence your consciousness? Why do you watch entertainment? What do you get out of it? Would you prefer to spend that time on something else? Do you engage in pseudo, individualistic actions that are actually a form of “narcissism of small differences”? Does that struggle for status help you? How does this manifest in the social environment around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Where does “ideology” lie? Žižek argues that ideology is pleasurable. Can you identify various expressions of ideology that are pleasurable and that make it difficult to turn toward “the real,” which is more painful and brutal?
Can you view cultural narcissism as a phenomenon (Lasch, 2018)? How does this manifest in the social world around you at the micro, meso, and macro levels?
Internal conflicts (intrapsychic conflict) deplete emotional energy (Collins, 2004; Summer, Effler, 2004, 2002). Internal conflicts can also be described as fragmented reflexivity (Archer, 2007). In psychoanalysis, these internal conflicts are interpreted as a result of childhood trauma and present, day stress. In ABT, internal conflicts or fragmented reflexivity may also stem from an inability to strike the right balance within a balance dimension characterized by tensions, ambiguities, dilemmas, and paradoxes.
Reflexive Emotionality, Becoming an Energy Star In his ritual theory of interaction, A. Collins posits that people do not seek to maximize happiness but rather to maximize emotional energy (Collins, 2004). High emotional energy is characterized by: strength, feeling “fresh,” being hard to tire, active, alert, attention, seeking, focused, filled with self, confidence and engagement, with a sense of rhythm and synchronization, flow, and ease (Collins, 2004). Energy stars are those who are charged with a great deal of emotional energy (Collins & McConnell, 2015).
For many people, internal interaction rituals need to be anchored in something external. Athletes have rituals they perform every time they’re about to jump; this is to create the focus they’ve learned. Swimmer Phelps has a trick: every time he walks through a door, he thinks of one of his mantras. Phelps uses the door as a socially charged actant for himself. This is a way to cultivate more optimism. These mantras can then be more or less useful. They are valuable components of an internal interaction ritual. We should speak to ourselves in a deep, calm, and rhythmic way that blocks out other thoughts. It’s a way to capture what’s important to us and why it’s important to us. Why are you doing this? What are you going to do now? How will it go if you stay focused? Have you managed it before? The key is to create focus within ourselves rather than being scattered and unfocused. Crucially, this internal interaction ritual must succeed so that we build “self, solidarity.” Scattered thoughts have low emotional energy; the more we can focus on one thing, the more our emotional energy will increase (Collins, 2004). Part of having high emotional energy and being in rhythm is being able to enter a state of flow (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990) and deep focus (Collins, 2004; Chambliss, 1986; Newport, 2016). Creating the rhythm for deep focus is more difficult if you consume a lot of information via the internet and are swept up in its flow; this creates a rhythm and a craving for a rhythm where you receive small bursts of minor pleasures. That rhythm does not build emotional energy. Rhythm, as part of ABT, has been placed specifically within the “slow, fast” dimension of balance.
Give energy first and build emotional resonance. Try giving energy to a group or an individual and see what you can get in return. Be the first to take the lead in building energy; you can get a lot in return. This approach goes against getting stuck in passive strategies for maintaining emotional energy (Summer, Effler, 2004). Talk about what energizes you to send out signals for potential emotional resonance. Develop techniques for successful social interactions where you experience high emotional resonance with others. Find a shared focus in every encounter. Check periodically to see if you’re in sync; be attuned to when you fall out of rhythm and emotional resonance. Build shared emotions. Look for the rhythm. Try making more eye contact. Curiously explore what the other person is interested in. Look especially for the ideas that truly engage that person. Mirror the person’s body language and try to guide both of you toward more engaged body language. Use your strengths as a social person, if you’re good at making people laugh, how do you use that laughter? Is it to get closer to the other person and give them emotional energy? Talk about symbols and interactions that connect to the ideas that give the other person emotional energy. Increase your chances of successful social interactions by building cultural capital in various domains. Be curious about the world to become interesting to others. Seek out areas where you have interests to increase the chances of successful social interactions, so that you both gain energy from similar or shared ideas.
Practice social interactions with your therapist. Create emotional resonance and a shared focus. Lead with charismatic practices. Identify ideas you’re passionate about, ones that energize you when you talk about them. If you have very niche interests, you need to find and spend time with people who share them. Another approach is to broaden your interests, such as in society, philosophy, and politics. This helps you connect with everyone and enhances your sense of citizenship.
Increase your emotional sensitivity. Sensitivity is a better term than “emotional intelligence” for capturing the goal of emotional reflexivity. Sensitivity is the ability to feel various emotions more deeply and intensely, yet also in a more balanced way that supports the good life. It also involves recognizing these emotions as moral signals, we are angry; why is that? Have we been subjected to an injustice? This can lead to an understanding of our social situation.
Part of emotional sensitivity is measured emotional restraint. Furedi (2019) and Ecclestone (2009) are two thinkers who argue that there has been an overemphasis on tuning into one’s feelings and that more emotional restraint and, in general, less focus on emotions are needed. Aristotle’s idea that action is what drives emotions is found in ancient Japanese therapies (such as Mori therapy, where action guides the therapy and is based on acceptance).
Seek resonance, part of this involves utilizing one’s experienced alienation. Resonance is Hartmut Rosa’s concept for capturing the experience of being moved by the world and the social sphere (Rosa, 2019). Resonance is a relational state with the world in which one is moved in a way that brings about transformation. Rosa uses attending a music concert as an example of a setting where one can experience resonance. Rosa suggests that experiences of resonance are very powerful and life, transforming experiences. Open yourself to the world, but not so much that you simply go along with everything (Rosa, 2019). Seek out places that have the potential for resonance experiences: nature, culture, political gatherings. Practice finding resonance in everyday situations. Think in literary, artistic, or historical terms; think outside the box; focus on your surroundings, or on something you’ve just experienced or are experiencing right now. Read about resonant experiences others have had and emulate them. Be in places that are beautiful and can inspire a sense of wonder: nature, art, film. Exercises in wonder: be in nature around large, majestic objects and vistas.